Kitchen Snooper Pillows

"Chef Voyeurdee"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

Do you have any cookies you aren't using?

"I thought the cake came out awfully dense."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

"My God!!..Just how long have we had this Broccoli hiding in the back of the fridge?"

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"I'm unable to process this image."

Oil Spill: 'Oh dear! That was the last of our extra virgin.'

Boy baking a cake.

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

'Another sad case of an over dose on uncut sugar cereal.'

"You have arrived at your destination."

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

UFO = Unidentified frying object.

Instead of a cap and gown Mike got a hairnet and spatula.

'There's something wrong with the slow cooker. I check it every minute but nothing's cooking!'

'The two things you cook best are meatloaf and apple pie!... Which one is this?'

Summer holiday activities the whole family will love.

"Ok, who just gave my cooking a 1-star review on Yelp?"

'There! Now all we gotta decide is what we're gonna make!'

'Whoa! When did we get that big Tupperware bowl?'

'Do you mind if my son watches you cook? I'm trying to bring him up to be a vegetarian.'

'Don't let the warning not to travel, stop you from travelling into the kitchen and putting the kettle on.'

'We don't want your business; we just want the recipe.'

'Beware of the Dog poo'

The Ghost of Food

"This is the closest I've come to owning a car!"

Dad was widely regarded as being unsuitable for younger viewers.

'Is the grill broken, Dad?'