Kitchen Sceptic T-Shirts

"No, dear. This meal isn't undercooked, you just haven't burnt it, for a change."

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

Grandma's caf

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

The Origins of Everything

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

'Do you call this spaghetti'

'Anybody for breakfast?'

Doctor uses thermometer to check chicken.

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

Oil Spill: 'Oh dear! That was the last of our extra virgin.'

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

"I was supposed to rinse them first? So, you're telling me somebody designed a machine to wash dishes, but we're supposed to make sure we wash the dishes before we put them in the machine?"

He wouldn't be calling the kettle that again.

'Hey, Frenchie - you call this paupiettes de beouf aux legumes?'

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

'What we were about to receive has gone the way of all flesh.'

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

'Mom, am I store-bought or homemade?'

Grocery Store - Warning: Contents may be hazardous to your health

It's crème brûlée, Julia. It doesn't have a subtext.