Kitchen Entertainer Pillows

"I just did '23 and me'... and like, I kid you not, we might be related."

"Step right up, lady and gents, and scoop yourself a heaping helping of the best spicy meat and bean stew this side of the mighty Mississippi!"

Pizza Throwing

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Like death by salad.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Wok. Don't Wok.

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

"It's a new countertop draft system for craft beer!"

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

'I was in the catering corps.'

'Does this thing get channel four.'

The Complete Spaghetti Dinner.

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"Looks like it's time to make the banana bread."

"So why do you need a ladder to make pancakes?"

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"