Kitchen Crafters T-Shirts

'Usually when a man promises me a fish dinner, I naturally assume it will be at a nice restaurant.'

Counting ribs

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

Do you have any cookies you aren't using?

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"'Well done' lulled him into complacency."

Jeff's Smorgasbord

'I put the cake in the blender because I wanted a glass of cake.'

"It's a recipe called no-cook fish chowder."

Culinary Breakthroughs During Social Distancing

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

"The holiday roast has yams, petters, carrots, pumpkin, parsnips, and tomato. What shall we call it?"

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

"You were supposed to have invented fire!"

"The toaster is broken again, sweetheart."

I Bake. Deal with it.

'All our family's creativity is channelled into finding ways to gain weight.

Chefs-R-Us

'I don't care what the timer says - my nose says they're done.'

"Yes...it may not be the Ritz, Rupert old chum but it's all good home cooked fare!"

'Never say 'let's dye a hundred eggs'. You'll be eating your words for weeks.'

'Mind if I join you? I told your wife that if she didn't like the way I cook, she could have a run at it herself.'

'What sets pastry school apart is, you have to get a job right away, to pay for a new wardrobe.'

April 12,1989: The last day Ryan ever ate pancakes. 'I ran out of pancake mix so I fried up patties of my facial cream.'

'Dang.'

'Women cook to feed the soul...men cook to feed the ego.'

"Not moonshine - small batch, artisanal grain alcohol."

'How did you get your pastry so thin?' Steam roller.

'What do you mean you're not hungry?'

"Would you believe it. I haven't sold a thing all day."

'I'm short of ingredients. What's a good substitute for filet mignon?'