Kitchen Comedians Gifts

Family working together

"Here's a dish I used to cook for my late husband. If you want to try it just follow the recipe, but ignore the part where it mentions a pinch of arsenic."

'Hoping to help me with dinner, are you?'

"I'll be the best side dish ever."

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

'You have a file cabinet full of recipes you're printed off. The only way 99% of them will ever make it into our stomachs is if we the printer paper.'

"Oh yeah, well I say you're black!"

'You're in luck - My parents like you.'

'This is the last time we come to this homestyle restaurant.'

'...and even though the rest of us hate brussel sprouts, we thank you Lord for the food you've provided for us.'

"What is that creepy sound?" "Don't worry. It's just the ghost of the old dishwasher."

Salt Shaker Talks to Pepper Shaker 'I'm sure the constant sneezing is a drag, but try cutting yourself shaving.'

'How's your liver?', 'Okay for now, but my doctor told me to take it easy.'

'So, have you and your brother decided whether we're going with a red or a white tonight?'

"Look, luv - I've made you a rhubarb pie!"

A tureen of chefs

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

'I'll be glad when Mother gets home - Your cooking is atrocious!'

Baby Formula, Just Add Water.

'Lucky is our garbage disposal.'

'Happy Valentine's Day!'

"Everything taste like pterodactyl to you."

'Tastes just like my mother's pies because she too made hers from a mix.'

'Tastes just like the cans of soup my Mom used to open and heat.'

"I did khat once with Roger. Should I go on?"

'Did someone forget to circle before dinner.'

"Or was it: 'Bubble, bubble, TOIL and trouble?'"

"My husband said I should try a cookbook when I'm cooking! But I don't think it will taste any better!"

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

"Well,that must be a television FIRST-Delia Smith BURNING a roast!!!'

Receiving the early-morning T-mail.

'I can't believe you cooked this all by yourself...you must have had an accomplice!'

"Oh, he has to lick the dishes clean before putting them away—he's terrible at loading the dishwasher."

"Again!"

"I'm bathing in the warmth of my own delusions. Join me?"