Kitchen Chore Commentator T-Shirts

"You just had to develop passive-aggressive expressionism, didn't you?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Like death by salad.'

Night of the Latkes

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

'Does this thing get channel four.'

The Complete Spaghetti Dinner.

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"So why do you need a ladder to make pancakes?"

'It's all homemade.'

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

Cook and her Maids

"Looks like it's time to make the banana bread."

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

Chef copy robot

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'