Kitchen Alchemist Gifts

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

If all else falls...Mom's Chicken Soup

'This prescription will be expensive to fill. You might want to try it's generic form...chicken soup.'

"Then bake at 375 for forty-five minutes."

'Potatoes. How many would I need to make a bottle of vodka?'

Wicket keeper with oven gloves on

"Ray says he serves his homemade wine this way for the presentation, but believe me, it's because it improves the taste."

"Oh...and I added some pepper to that soup you're making on the stove."

I bake my own bread.

"We ran out of tomato juice, so I used ketchup in your Bloody Mary."

"It's made from all our old leftovers. I call it 'Rescue Casserole.'"

"Then one evening I mentioned to Richard how much I enjoy his cooking."

"It's a new way to stretch leftovers. Saw it in Homeopathy Now."

"I think you have to leave it in for ten minutes per pound."

Baker

Baking

'Don't you love doing our dishes the organic way, leaving them in the sink and letting live sponges eat the food off of them?'

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"I've just invented dinner."

'You went to culinary school? This is not exactly a culinary thing we're doing here.'

'I just love the change of seasons.'

'If that's the way he feels about chemistry, there's no harm done.'

'My mom packs a lunch, high in nutrition but low in trade value.'

Self-Raising Flour

"It's a children's book, with lots and lots of interesting recipes."

"But I followed the recipe exactly. Honest I did. With god as my wit.... Oh, sorry.

'Oh no wonder, this is Extra Virgin Mary Olive Oil.'

Olive Oil

Bakery Research & Development. You've come up with a paranormal cookie? It's called "Oreo 51"!

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

"First you make a roux."

"Honey, this fruitcake is fantastic!" "Empty plate here! Gimme some more!" "That's because I replaced the candied cherries and nutmeg with lithium and Prozac!" "You gonna eat the rest of that?!"

Eggnog recipes