Kid Time Coordinator T-Shirts

"I'll pencil you in for recess."

Gracie goes to get cookies for Santa, but Papi has eaten them all.

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

Maypole

Dog enjoying a sniffathon.

'None of the other things had instructions.'

Walking To School Simulator

Turn Down For What.

'How many kids do you actually have?'

"The idea is to stick art on the refrigerator, not carve it in."

'We won't know how many diapers it takes to soak up a bathtub full of water until we get more diapers.'

Why children, apples and honey should not be left unsupervised.

A family goes on holiday while a group of strangers inhabits their home.

'Stop biting your nails son and get to sleep!'

"Say, 'when'...Hello?...Guys?..."

"I downloaded the Laugh Track app yo soften mom when I give her my lame excuse."

'I don't worry when he calls from the door way or the front steps - only when he starts heading this way.'

'We will fill in that space after we hear what you have in mind for summer vacation!'

'Are you here, Alfred?'

Repairing the Sundial's clockwork

Two kids are selling iced tea from roadside stands; one is selling regular iced tea for 50¢ a cup, while the other is selling Long Island ice teas for $5.00 a cup.

"We tried matching your child's behavioral patterns with one of those new-fangled medical condition, but it turns out that he really is just a precocious little twerp!"

'Momma, we elected you as honorable member of our club. You're in charge of eats and drinks.'

"Wake up Mom! It's the first day of spring break and I'm bored."

'For heaven's sake, couldn't you have spelled it out?'

"Tonight's homework...scatter some Legos on the floor, turn out the lights and try to make it across the room."

"We should've expected this last June when they closed but didn't sell the fixtures."

Bathtime

"C'mon, I gotta brush my teeth! I have a ZOOM in 5 minutes!"

'-or how about the end of September when the kids are back at school?'