Kid Banker Pillows

"We've decided to diversify our funds on some candy!"

"Just be yourself."

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

"Hi-yah!"

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

'I'll give you a clue. The answer is a number, not a fruit.'

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

Lamb Noise.

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

"We have the exact same taste."

'You always bring me the same thing every year, toys games sports equipment. I never get what I really want!' - 'What's that?' - 'Real estate!'

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'Thanks for the book, dad. Now I can reach my computer!'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

Raining

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

"Gee, thanks! What rate of interest does it pay?"

"So much for password protected."

"See what happens when you go swimming after eating!"

"Wheeeeeeee!"

'Mom says finger painting was digital art before computers.'

"It failed the stress test."

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

"What did you just say? Did you just say 'Christmas'?!!"

"See those birch trees on the other side of the pond? That’s the exact spot where your mother first called me an idiot."

"I don't have time for piggy banks. Can't I just buy an ATM?"

'That's my boy...'

'This is not fair, mom. . . none of my friends is forced to hibernate before December.'

'In the future, if we're a little late with your allowance, don't just automatically turn it over to a collection agency.'

"How else will I know when I'm clean as a hound's tooth?"