Kid Banker Pillows

"We've decided to diversify our funds on some candy!"

"Just be yourself."

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

"Hi-yah!"

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

'I'll give you a clue. The answer is a number, not a fruit.'

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

Lamb Noise.

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

"We have the exact same taste."

'You always bring me the same thing every year, toys games sports equipment. I never get what I really want!' - 'What's that?' - 'Real estate!'

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

Raining

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

'Thanks for the book, dad. Now I can reach my computer!'

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

"See what happens when you go swimming after eating!"

"So much for password protected."

"Gee, thanks! What rate of interest does it pay?"

"Wheeeeeeee!"

'Mom says finger painting was digital art before computers.'

"It failed the stress test."

"See those birch trees on the other side of the pond? That’s the exact spot where your mother first called me an idiot."

"What did you just say? Did you just say 'Christmas'?!!"

'In the future, if we're a little late with your allowance, don't just automatically turn it over to a collection agency.'

'That's my boy...'

'This is not fair, mom. . . none of my friends is forced to hibernate before December.'

"I don't have time for piggy banks. Can't I just buy an ATM?"

"How else will I know when I'm clean as a hound's tooth?"

"We were running late, so my mom faxed me to school."