Kale Aficionado Pillows

"Why, of course I like Kale. It's the color of money."

'Tastes like cherry kool-aid, what's it do?'

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

"I think you'll find the pen is writier than the sword."

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

'Hey, Charlie, have we got good news for you!'

"What's remarkable is that just last week he was lying despondent on the beach."

"Well did he?"

'Needs more kale.'

"Now you're just being a jerk!"

'Vanity, thy name is Maple.'

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

Sermon on the Grounds...

'I ink, therefore I am....'

Whale Romance

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

"We did it! Barbeque, bacon, cheese and just a twist of kale!"

'Not whale stew again.'

"I'm pleased to say our dishes all have too much kale."

"He must have picked that up at the kennel."

The Coffee Tattoo

'Never mind what I see. The better question is, why are you obsessed with my bodily functions?'

"I've never done a Wi-Fi password before!"

How Kale Took Over the World

'Oh god, I've totally wasted my life.'

'Psst...check out the freak.'

'If you hire me, you'll get this lovely electrical water kettle for free!!'

Quill

"Harrison, you fail to comprehend the meaning of cursive writing."

Tall tales and Short stories

'Take my advice - if you get a tattoo, put it where it will not show on a job interview.'

"Our standards are so high we only hire people who do crossword puzzles in ink."

Why whales aren't kept as pets: 'Plankton prices sky-rocket.'

'Why 'fido'? Dog kennels do not need planning permission.'

Pumpkin Spice Petrol.