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'Gee... 'Life' is a long time.'

'Oh, the Lord was with me, but after the trial, he went home and I went to jail.'

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"What was I thinking?!"

"Have you been playing dice?"

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

Sauce for the Goose

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

Extreme Sisyphus

I don't think I'm letting sunlight in when I open the curtains. I think the darkness is going out.

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

'I hate to tell you this, but enlightenment just isn't for commuters.'

'Look at it another way. Happiness can't buy you money!'

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

The Price of Freedom

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

Afraid of change - leave it here.

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

'Why am I the one always getting kicked?'

'...and that is my philosophy.'

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

"Now, my brave little soldier, do you have everything...an apple for your teacher, your satchel, pencils and books - your existential misery??"

"And the meaning of life is.... oh rats, the battery died."

"I think it's wrong to hunt them when they're in a house of worship."