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'I said probation, and the jury said 900 years, so let's just split the difference.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

Mou...Man trap!

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

'Come on inspector, you call this fair?'

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

"Repeat after me..."

'... And I appreciate that you've 'saved the world from certain doom on numerous occasions', but you still have to pay your taxes.'

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

'Your honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'not guilty, but not exactly innocent either'!'

Bill Barr kicks Lady Justice

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

Law 'N' Order

'We find the defendant to be dead meat.'

'Speak of the devil, there's my attorney now.'

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

Judge chasing fly with gavel.

A throng runs out the courthouse to follow a car that is driving away decorated with a sign that reads "Just Acquitted".

"You are hereby sentenced to one year of swimming with the people."

'That's the last frivolous law suit I want to see any lawyer wearing in this court!'