Just Because Gift T-Shirts

'I talk to myself because I'm the only one who LISTENS!'

Squirrel Chasing a Dog

Picking pastries.

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

Dog with toilet IV

'Mind if I join you?'

Cupcakes!

Social distance queue starts here

"The Valentine's Day gift that has it all - a card made from edible flowers dipped in chocolate!"

Solitaire card shark.

"You got this, Nana."

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

'It's been a rough day, my shirt button fell off, the handle of my brief case came off... I'm too scared to go to the bathroom!'

'Now I know why they called this airco model 'Marilyn Monroe'.'

"You'll do laundry, you'll drink water...oh, and what's this? In the near future you'll clip your fingernails."

Other People

"Do that thing where you walk like chuck berry."

"We don't sell CDs anymore. We sell colorful jackets for the music you download illegally."

"Oh no! It's an ear! Didn't Vincent get the list?"

'Nice talking to you, but would you please excuse me? I need to get some air...'

'I'm sorry, Marvin, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

Neil Armstrong 1930-2012.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

"We need to think about raising your profile ..."

'I'm giving mostly gift certificates this year, so I wrap them with junk from the garage to throw people off track.'

"I got the best gift ever! A phone call from my brother in Afghanistan!"

Garden Centre - "...she thinks she's getting a mink coat!"

I think the best part was when we decided not to record it.

'Cheer up, Lenny -- We all have our bad decades.'

Helicopter as a clothes drier

A.I. Newreader Malfunctions. . . or does it?

'You've been looking a little scrawny lately.... Hey!— You're not missing another rib, are you?'

'We use dialup since it gives us more time to meditate.'

"I prefer to think of myself as an opinion former."

'It's hard for others to understand, but Edward really likes cross dressing.'