Jury Duty Humorist T-Shirts

"Technically speaking, they decide naughty or nice. I'm only responsible for the sentencing."

"Ladies and gentlemen, we can parse the nuances of motive forever, but isn't it much more satisfying just to deal with broad stereotypes?"

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

'The stupidity of the defendant's actions was directly proportional to the number of people watching him.'

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, don't let my parents think they wasted money sending me to law school!"

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

Jury Verdict

". . . and that's the story of why you should find this defendant. . . GUILTY!"

"Bailiff."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Let me through, let me through, I'm a computer geek.'

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'

"Repeat after me..."

"You have to let me make my own mistakes."

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

"The big one dropped his weapon, but keep an eye on the little one. I think he's still armed."

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

The Mafia Goes Green.

"Ahhh! Ha-ha! Exactly what I said when I was pulled over. Dipstick!"

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

'The jury and our computers find the defendant guilty.'

"Guilty times infinity."

Sweet Jailbreak

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

"Your Honor, it was a lot for any jury to be expected to believe...but we fell for it."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

'Yes, I can defend you, but we may have a tough time selecting a jury of your peers.'

Rollercoaster police chase.

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

"They're eating out of my hand but that doesn't guarantee an acquittal."

One lobster has another in hand cuffs.

'What'll it be . . . too large or too small?'

'Let this guy go. He's working under cover.'

'Your first trial?'