Juror With A Side Hustle Pillows

'We may have been a hung jury for three weeks, but I did get a chance to sell 11 magazine subscriptions for my kid's school field trip fund.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

'Court's in recess!'

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

Jury Selection Today. Have any of you been friended by the defendant on Facebook?

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

Antonin Scalia

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

'Your honour, we find the defendent 'politically incorrect'.'

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

Eleven Angry Men and One Happy Chappy

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

'Your Honor, we find the defendant rich, famous and not guilty.'

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

Restrictive Abortion Laws

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

"It was a crime of passion, not the defendant's offense, out verdict."

"Welcome to Trapeze Talent Inc. If you'd like us to catch you, fill out this form, and we'll get back to you if we're interested."

'You are charged with contempt of CNN....'

"We the jury find that the murder was committed by Colonel Mustard, in the library, with the candlestick!"

'No need to text me your answer to that. I'm right here.'

'Disqualified!... He did not yell 'Boing' when he jumped!'

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"

'We, the jury, find the defendant guilty... and his attorney obnoxious.'