Juice Aficionado Pillows

'I'm all for diversity. In fact, some of my best friends contain pulp.'

"From now on, let's just call it orange juice."

New grapefruit safety standard.

'Oh, dude. That is just NASTY. Did you juice your cell phone?'

Lactose Intolerant

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

Join me in a Martini?

You're the botanicals in my gin

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

Flying sauces.

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

"I do like a plant that can hold its drink"

"The Ususal, Mr. B?"

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

Man at work sees in lounge refrigerator, 'Creative Juices'

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

ABC Diapers. Comfy Tushy Diapers. Now 3 times more absorbent! Note to self: Drink 4 times more juice.

'I made it chocolate so it wouldn't show the dirt.'

"You call this ice?"

Mary Margaret, the best bar Nun.

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

'I drank 10 pints of rum.'

Val and Les could see a fork in the road but they weren't expecting a dip.

'Oh, sure, it gets the creative juices going, but is it worth the cost?'

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."

Roller Coasters

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

'If that's Dorothy, we're not here.'

'I could have had a V-8!'

"For years after Vietnam, I woke up screaming about the cold weather in Toronto."

Socrates, 399 B.C: 'Wow, I could have had a V-8.'

A kangaroo mother with a joey in her main pouch and a juice box in a separate smaller pouch.