Judging Contests Gifts

Annual Lump Festival Competition:'I don't know if I can give an award, they're all so fantastic..'

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

The First Annual Game Show Week.

That party went well.

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

Wal-Mart Ruling

'I'm sorry, your cheese has not matured enough!'

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

'Might I caution you on suing the defendant for damages...such action is fraught with difficulty, given your 'hand-me-down' status in his family!!'

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

'Rhea of the Year.'

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

Rodin's Irish Judge

'Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest of us a bad name.'

Family courts.

"Spell 'flower'" "F-L-O-W-E-R" "Spell 'onomatopoeia'" "This contest is rigged"

'This will help you keep track of who's who.'

'Whoa! - The activist judges will go NUTS with these!'

"I'm the British Ambassador to the European Court of Human Rights."

"Perhaps this will refresh your memory."

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

'Since this is my first time in court, I wonder if it would be all right if my attorney got a couple of shots of me lying under oath.'

Judicial Restraint

'Think of her as a mini-me.'

The SCOTUS six

X Brazil

"We've got a new customer, Eddy: run a couple of kegs over to the Supreme Court."