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Father's Day

"So, Mrs. Fessler, I understand you're a stand-up comic."

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

Cry babies.

'I know you're really proud, dear. But, don't you think people might think you're bragging?'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Look Mommy, hat!"

Brian was very proud of his dog.

Impressing dad.

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

'You must be very proud Daphne.'

'She's just great with the children.'

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

Children's artwork exhibition.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"Mother, I think I'm good enough to exhibit on the living room walls now."

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

"I'll be a little late. I'm working a double shift."

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

"Werewolves of London..."

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

Baby tells other Baby to call.

'Where do I put the batteries?'