Jovial Shopper Prints

"Wait a minute, that's my bar code" Product Identity Theft

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

'If someone farts in the forest and there's no one around to smell it, does it make a stink?'

"You're going to regret this in the morning."

Family doing circus trick heading to the circus.

Death Photobombs a Holiday

Complaints Desk

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

'Well, I can't find anything in the rule book about it.'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

"Don't worry, I won't hold my age against you."

'Your smile came in a distant third.'

"I let go of all my earthly attachments, but there's one I can't seem to shake."

'I'm not as think as you drunk I am.'

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

"Look - the FIRST EVER picture of a black hole!! What do you think?"

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

'Pay bills, stick to a budget, plan ahead.'

"What was Santa thinking calling me Dancer? I think I have two left feet..."

'You said we can grow our own food. So, where's the hot dog seeds.'

"No raise, but the boss did give me a 'God Boy' and a treat."

'Don't worry, fifty something is the new thirty something.'

"What a listener. My burden feels lighter already."

"It's important to learn numbers. Then you can have a pin number and get money from ATMs."

The Relentlessly Jovial & Obnoxious Sales-People.

'Every year was the same. There was always some clown or comedian in Brian's intake of pupils.'

"Oh my....Look how much you've grown."

"Watkins would like to know if he can leave a few minutes early...he claims he's dying."

'Apparently he does 20 yards to the pint.'

'In the event you suffer from Montezuma's Revenge, there's a TV in every bathroom.'

Ad agency

'Rudolf?'

'Wizzo Wotsits - how can I help you? Just putting you through to customer services. . .'

"I brake for milk & cookies"