Jokester's Choice Gifts

"Same weight as you were in high school, great....now put the other foot on the scale too!"

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Clown throws a bucket of confetti over car at 'Jimbo's carwash'.

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

''Yeah, mine's a rescue dog too.''

"I've got writer's block."

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

"Isn't it an amazing co-incidence that this is an orange, and it IS ORANGE?"

'Colin's dying to show you how his renewable energy scheme works.'

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

Some card-game puns

Monkey Curling Lion's Mane.

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'That's one hell of a cat-flap Harry. You must have a big cat, heh, heh.'

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

"We hang like this for the incredible ab workout."

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'