Joker Of The Jaw Prints

'Make do with those until yours come back.'

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

"It's not carrots but the love of carrots that's the root of all evil."

"It was a botched surgery."

"One more question, Mr Cake. How do you feel about wearing a sheet, creeping about people's bedrooms and saying 'woo'?"

Tee-Hee-Bay - XXXL shoes.

"I'll take your word for it. You don't have to show me your used floss."

Outback rat house? Darn ! Wish you guys would've said somethin' sooner. I just ate a hop pocket.

"Looks like we left out the wrong brownies."

Just another day at Helium Farm

'Bloomin Hippies!'

House with 'Dog For Sale' sign. Cat walks by holding 'Good Riddance' sign.

'You sure picked a great place to have kittens.'

"Let's see if we can't scatter the trash all over his desktop."

'As a kid, whenever I was at a petting zoo, I got bit, butted and stomped on.'

"You know, your poker face is useless if you keep wagging your tail."

Ideas before their time Telegraph office. You're wasting way too much time using that thing to forward jokes.

'Why do I have to cover my mouth when I cough?' 'To keep your teeth from flying across the room!'

Grandpa was proud of the effect his signature stolen nose trick was having on the young crowd. It wasn't until later that anyone explained to him how Dylan had lost his real nose in a horrible sledging accident.

"I've got a dog licence. Will that do?"

"Bitch."

"To be fair - he DID say he was going to rearrange your face...!"

When Barry decided to start a campaign for gum control.

'Stick...'

'No, it only has a driver-side airbag.'

"Does your tooth still hurt?"

Do you have health insurance ?

'Only plaque I ever got was from forgetting to floss.'

Royal Flush

Tommy, I have a question for you. I didn't do nothin'. We're missing a scone. Now, no one's accusing you of anything. I swear, you've got the wrong guy. I definitely didn't take a scone when you went to check email because I was super hungry. You have the right to remain silent. I did it!

"I'm fairly sure you're supposed to take them off first."

'Is he house-broken?'