Joining The Church Mugs

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

Early Piety

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"That's our new church mascot."

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

Verger Works

Monk Prompt

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Midwest Winter Items.

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

'Father James, I slept with Father Henry from next parish... Is that a sin?' - 'Of course!! You belong to my parish!'

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"

God is for life not just for Christmas.

"Today's sermon will be followed immediately by a rebuttal from the opposition."

"Any other reason for your disappointment with God other than your team has never won a Superbowl?"

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'Of course my fact-finding tour is legitimate. Can I help if if there are more facts in the Bahamas than Cleveland?'

"I don't like the way the new pastor is looking at his flock."

Finger puppets in church.

"Oh nooo, we can't skip church. Why, we'll just sleep when we're dead!"

'I'm falling in love with Eddie... he has the most beautiful biggest organ ever!'

"It's a cup holder."