Joining A Legal Department Pillows

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

'I'm not playing 'Bride and Groom' unless you sign this pre-nuptial aggreement!'

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

"I'll go to my room and do my homework, but I want time and a half."

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

'I'm here waiting appeals.'

"I like the idea of becoming a prosecutor: charging people appeals to me..."

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

She's at that ackward stage in law school between a knapsack and briefcase.

"Well the good news is that we came top in at least one category of the latest diversity tables..."

'...youngsters need to be shown how the law REALLY works if they want a career in it!'

So you'd like to be a lawyer...

'I like to use the Law as a jumping off point.'

"Looks good to me, but let's run it by the lawyer first, just to see how illegal it actually is."

'Have you not noticed that our legal department is crawling with lawyers!'

"Never forget...if you bend a law enough, it becomes a loophole!"

The Department Chairs react to the budget cuts.

'This contract proposal needs more work. I'm not experiencing any twinges of guilt over it.'

"Well, sure, it LOOKS like a straightforward plea to buy our product...but for safety we better run it by the legal department

'Trust me, I've forgotten more about the law than this old fool of a judge has ever known.'

"It's legal – but not entirely."

Richard gets the third degree.

"Not quite – one ankle on top of the other!"

"You want to be a lawyer, do you? That could be construed as obstruction of justice!"

'I think that's enough enlightenment for now Tim!'

Deep pockets on line two.

'I take it, you're just starting out.'

"Welcome to the company, Barnes. All we have to do now is mark you with our brand."

"The business of crime DOES pay. It pays our salaries!"

'I need somebody to run this by legal. Anyone in the office wearing sneakers?'

'We have a new face amongst us.'

The assistant to the chair begins another busy day.