Jobseeker Prints

'I put the boss on hold to take another call,'

Careers guidance

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

How are you at decision making?

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Do you have any other skills?

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"The only hobby we tolerate is working on weekends."

"I don't like your application."

Perks Featured in Vacancy at Toy Company

Between Offices

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"Here at Global Com we're looking for people can 'think outside of the box'..."

In and Out Sourced.