Job Seeker In Culinary Pillows

'Can't you read?'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Counting ribs

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"You're the lid to my pot."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

6 Brothers Falafel

Cookbooks

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

Picking pastries.

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"I'm so proud - she's already learning her shapes."

"Rump roast?"

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

Turkey Autopsy

"These things are delicious. Hard and crunchy on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside!"

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

"I've had it with you guys! From now on, have your arguments on your own time!"

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"