Job Search T-Shirts

"Tell me about a time you identified a problem that others didn't see coming."

"Sorry, you are simply not the right man for the job."

Struggling Scientist, Please cite my papers.

'Thanks for coming in. We'll get back to you as soon as we lower our expectations.'

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

'My strength lies in my ability to deny my weaknesses.'

"What made this guy stand out?" "He applied."

'Where do I see myself in five years? If you ask one more stupid question, prison.'

"Based on your resume you're not really qualified for the job...but there's just something about you I like!"

'You're exactly the kind of applicant we're looking for.'

"At the moment I'm torn between the emotionally rewarding but poorly resourced role of a social worker or a more intellectualy rigorous career in quantum physics."

The key to landing a good job is patience, persistence and timing. And networking.

"I really believe my research abilities would be an asset to whatever this company is called."

'Besides a great smile, do you have any other qualifications we could consider?'

"Your resume is excellent, but your Facebook lacks the imagination we want in a new employee."

'Oh!...You did dress up for the interview.'

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

'Yes, I received your resume that you emailed. I ran a fact check and I was wondering if you know that a half truth is a whole lie.'

'Vicious, intelligent and ruthless? Certainly. But I think my biggest asset is that I'm a survivor!'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

Psychometric testing: "Of course the tests are nonsense but we're working on the basis that anyone who can be bothered to complete all 148 of them MUST be highly motivated."

Over enthusiastic headhunter

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"When did you say you left school?"

'I think I'm right for this job because I'm a real people person. Now are you going to hire me or not? I don't have all freakin' day!'

'We'll keep your application on file and if we ever lower our standards...'

"I see from your resume you spent fore years at bizness skool."

"We only hire temps, and you have a look of permanence about you."

'I just don't get it. I've applied for over 200 jobs, but I've never even got a call back.'

'If he has a pulse, hire him!'

'We're extending an offer of employment to you contingent upon the results of a drug test, psychological consultation...'

'Your performance rating is terrible, Fenwick, but I like your looks.'

'I looked over your resume and the good news is I like the paper it was typed on. Do you really want to know the bad news?'

"This is so much more fun than reading CVs."