Job Retention Concerns Pillows

"It comes with great sadness, that one of you will be placed on furlough, for a minimum of three weeks."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

Dolestart - A New Initiative

'Let's see what the employment tribunal has to say about that, shall we?'

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

'How can they call it a shared sacrifice in this bad economy...when your pay cut was 10% and mine, 25%?!'

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

A case of runaway forklift Doctor. Do we offer him any compensation?

"Our policy regarding paid vacations is - if you take a vacation, you'll pay for it."

'I am sure you will enjoy working here until your inevitable layoff.'

'I'd like to sue my way to success.'

"No, we don't have a pension plan. We don't expect our employees to ever retire."

'You're the very first employee to register your complaint via my 'open door' policy.'

'This doesn't look good.'

"With the rises in fuel, food and mortgage I'm going to have to put in some overtime."

'I don't know what to do about my check - grief or anger counseling.'

Mattress makers picketing in front of factory are sleepwalking.

"The good news is that I'm still here after the boss cut our department by 33 percent."

'I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed I was let go by the public sector and not wanted by the private sector.'

"Thank you for coming in on your day off, minion. It reflects well on your character." "I thought my job depended on it." "I don't know how you got that impression. I would never force you to come in on your day off. That would be illegal." "You said 'Come in on your day off. Your job depends on it.'" "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy... That's just a figure of speech." "You went on to say 'I mean it. That's not just a figure of speech.'" "That was a figure of speech too."

In Case of Emergency - Break Glass and take a BIG SWIG!

"Hey, at least you got a severance package."

'Ageism at work'

'You can stop worrying about job burnout.'

Musical Chairs...

"Right, all those in favour of a car boot sale."

The Contract Culture: 'Jump.'

'We're unable to bring you the special report on the coalminers' strike because of the cameraman's strike.'

'It's spring, Boss! When a young man's fancy turns to union organizing!"

'I need a hug. I was laid off at the fish factory.'