Job Market Exploration Pillows

College of Arts and Sciences (and a few things to fall back on).

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'I have this fear of the real world...'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

The Three Wise Queens

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

Good Luck!

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

How are you at decision making?

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

'Think of this as a window of opportunity.'

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Between Offices

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'