Job Interview Aficionados Prints

'What went particularly well?'

"You state on your resume that you're lazy, incompetent and unreliable. There is such a thing as being too honest."

Any other honours or awards besides a gold star in your infants' school?

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

A very young man being hired as a groom.

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Do you have any other skills?

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"The only hobby we tolerate is working on weekends."

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

'Dude, touring with a punk rock band was fun, but what I'd really like to do is be CEO of a fortune 500 company.'

Help wanted. Various positions available.