Job Evolution Observer Pillows

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"Serendipity is not a strategy."

Terry had a computer bug.

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

'I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, can do my job, but has no interest in having my job.'

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

"Missing a call is no excuse for eating your assistant."

"You’d think being anthropomorphic would be enough but nowadays you need a Masters to even get your foot in the door."

"Yes, I can use tools, but I realized early on I could earn more money as an accountant..."

'All applicants for employment must first submit to a company physical - We use it to eliminate anyone with a backbone.'

You're right, boss, there may be too much idle chit-chat, but let me talk it over with my friends.

'Have you decided who's going to be team leader?'

'Don't try to use me. I'm not user friendly!'

'You're not the manager I expected.' - 'So blame yourself for having lousy judgement.'

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

"Remember that requirement that you work without supervision? Forget it."

'You seem young, Perkins. Why, I bet I was incarcerated before you were even born.'

'My salary increase got a few oo-hs.. but no ah-hs..'

'Are you free at the moment?'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

Good solution. Now we need a good problem.

"That's not how we go about filling a C.E.O. position."

"Wow! Good news - the line is getting shorter!"

'Put simply, we need our website to tell consumers all about our company without really telling them anything about our company,'

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'

'I'm afraid of being left behind.'

Jenkins! Why is it everything in this office is voice-activated except you?

"You've been working out of your parent's basement since 1993?"

I don't feel very secure on this job.

"Oh, he claims I bit his head off, did he? And I suppose you BELIEVED him?"

Age-salary ratio

'I never question your ability. I never even mention it.'

'Lets see now, Henderson, you've not shown any initiative because nobody asked you to.'