Job Displacement Pillows

"Aren't you the old guy in purchasing whose decades of slavish devotion inspired us to replace you with a small army of sycophants?"

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

Very Difficult Conversations

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'I can't believe I didn't get that promotion. So many people have passed me by I feel like a road sign on the highway to success.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Ron didn't realise he was so popular."

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

"Sorry, Foster, but I'm letting you go. I just downloaded the 'Scapegoat' app."

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

'The whole floor got together and came up with a few things you could work on.'