Job Benefits T-Shirts

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

37 years in the same position.

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'I can't believe I didn't get that promotion. So many people have passed me by I feel like a road sign on the highway to success.'

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

Between Offices

Work Slave

In and Out Sourced.

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'I was hoping for a better bonus this year.'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

If a moo can rise to the top, so can I.

Working 9 to 5.

'As my subordinate, naturally I expect you to take the heat on things that otherwise would make me uncomfortable.'

'As you go through life, always remember that money isn't everything...Health benefits and stock options are also very important.'

Getting through the week.

'You call it diversified work experience.. I call it can't hold a job.'

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'