Job Application Humor T-Shirts

'Scoutmasters aren't usually used as references.'

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

"What's your occupation?"

"There's another one of those blokes that work from home."

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

'I'm afraid he's a bit tied up right now'

"We're able to use you, Crampton… everything but the 'oink'."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

I have an opening for someone like you. It's called a door.

'As a consultant, my job is to speak to you as if I knew how your business worked.'

"Oh yes, I'm very adept at using office machines. I can operate soda machines, candy machines, coffee machines..."

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,

'Well... I guess it's time to look for a new job...'

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

Will work for question marks.

"Sir, are all these compliments and this reminiscing about my time here leading up to my termination?"

Not only have we been laid off, but, being small, we can crawl through air ducts with ease.

New To The Job: Pizza Delivery Guy

"According to our records, we gave you a raise 15 years ago. And now you've requested another one? Greed is not a quality we like in our employees."

"The position you've applied for does employ some osmosis."

Well the good news is that you'll be leading the team...And the BAD news...you ARE the team!

'Special skills? Well, I've been told I make a mean martini!'

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'

"Give us a few days and we'll call to tell you we've given the job to someone else."

'Inadequate, insecure, obsessive lacking in empathy or commitment...excellent, when can you start?'

"And this is our head of HR who will be arranging your contract."

'I told the interviewer that I walked away from a six-figure job. I just left out the part about the security escort.'

'You'd be right for us if we decide to lower our standards.'

'Have you worked at a non-profit before?' 'Yes! and believe it or not, they blamed me!'

"Do you ever feel like you're just here for the paycheck?"

'Do you see yourself as a team player?'

She'll probably get in through clearing.