Jewish Ceremony Pillows

Jewish auto correct fails

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'The correct response, Tanya, is 'I do' not 'yeah, whatever'.'

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'Cheryl, you are getting way too wrapped up in the dog.'

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'You should have seen the one that got away!'

Folk Wedding

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

'Does my head look big in this?'

'Sorry, I always cry at weddings...'

"It's OK vicar, Nigel's just having one of his panic attacks."

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

A baby being christened in a scuba mask.

GLAD-YOU-ATION

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

"You may now begin your insane experiment."

"Now that everyone's in...how do we get the food?"

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

Tribal masks.

'...Love, honor, and cherish? Remember - you're under oath.'

"No bouquet toss for this bride. She's shooting it out of a cannon."

'It was the only way he could fit us in at such short notice.'

'He'll be really p****d if he doesn't get nominated for an award this year.'

'Will you hold it down? This is IMPORTANT!'

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

'I Marianne, promise to see all of your games in sickness or in health, for richer or poorer until death do I watch.'