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"With Gloria, it's in one ear and out the mouth."

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

Unemotional Support Animal

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Stairlift around cliff face.

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

6,000 BC: Neolithic Barbecue

Stormy weather

"WOW, we're on top of the world!"

"He doesn’t say much, but he thinks a lot."

Cheating Death.

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

'We have to forfeit, Three of our players got squashed on the way over here,'

"Very Presidential."

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

"Don't even think about it! I am the property of the English Monarch!"

Watchdog on Holiday

'All right pal, just hand over the nose and nobody gets hurt.'

'You know, termite queens have over 100 million offspring. I mean, just saying...'

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

"You've got to be kidding me." Hoover Dam

"When Harold first said he identified as a balloon animal I thought it was just a phase, but here we are fifteen years later and it seems to be working."

Ted did have some concerns about the appearance of nepotism.

Remember, honey, abracadabra doesn't work anymore. Now it's command, option, shift.