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Prosecco Drinker

Tartine

In the Guru District

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'A cheeky red?'

Bacchus.

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Sauvignon Bonk

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'... And this is my cellar.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

Under pressure.

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

Yoga vs. Prosecco

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

'One more for me an Tiffany, and one more for you and the road.'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

Pasta

"Deep-dish pizza calls for deep-glass beer."

'Note to self: Like coffee, homemade coffee wine should be available in decaf, too.'

'It's my favorite.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

"He gets easily abstracted."

"I make it myself!"

'Another neat trick is to cut regular spaghetti into little pieces, and next thing you know you've got yourself a bowl of spaghetti-i-s.'