It Trainer Pillows

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

I think that may have been one software revision and unnecessary upgrade too many for him.

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

'Next, go to the 'Guard' menu and select 'Bark.''

"Is this the first time you've been on a computer?"

"Judging by all the hair you've pulled out of your head, I must be hard to teach technology to than I thought."

"We're trying to encourage some of the older staff to put their admin online."

The Computer Bore

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Brian was very proud of his dog.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

Overjumpers

"Any questions?"

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"It seems as if the people taking my software class are getting younger and younger."

How to deliver a successful presentation.

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"Any questions?"

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

Dog tricks. 'He's doing it right now. Dudley dreams in Technocolor!'

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."