It Amateur Pillows

'When it develops a problem which part of it should I beat on?'

"It seems as if the people taking my software class are getting younger and younger."

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

"You don't need a duck call. I can just download this Find-a-Fowl app."

"I want one that detects intrusions by hackers, then blows their computers to bits!"

STRIP Hambone: Number cruncher

Essex computer.

GPs could be forced to switch IT systems onto new NHS digital contract

"Still life with fruit and terribly drawn fish"

"I'll give you a moment."

'We couldn't find anything wrong with your car, so all you owe us is for 2 hours of search.'

"Don't worry Mac, I'll have that happy face back in no time."

'I guess this is what we get for going to a discount web-page designer.'

"At least you have taste when it comes to your computer's wallpaper."

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

"I know we're supposed to get rid of 'superbugs', but ours is the only one that understands the IT systems!"

'Hold on, the play is under review.'

Computer books for dummies.

"The jocks bullied me in gym class, so I erased all the data on their computers. They should know never to mess with a computer geek."

STRIP Hambone: "System been down long?"

'Okay, this is the scene where the bear becomes a parachute.'

"I must be getting on tech-support's nerves, because they now answer by saying, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT NOW?!"

"He's young and eager to change the world, but I'd be happy if he'd just change his underwear."

'Sorry, sweetie -- they're not that kind of cookies.'

"Switch it off and switch it on again, that will be $85."

"Sorry, closed today. Our humans are down."

'Hester, we have a problem.'

Home Video

"I keep forgetting. When do I cluck and when do I double-cluck?"

Switch it off and switch it on again

"It's okay, I'm free from IT support."

'The diagnostic computer keeps getting error messages.'

Wife uploading film of snoring husband onto Youtube.

"I got the blues in the mornin', I got the blues at night..."