Irony Investor T-Shirts

The first rule of mime club is: You don't talk about mime club.

Symbols of Wall St: bull, bear, Humpty Dumpty.

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

The Contrarian funds

Investments.

"Do your thing, Phil...lull them into submission."

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

Department of Who's Your Daddy?

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

"I invested in Chinese stocks just because of my ironic sense of humor - if it goes wrong, I can't even afford a bowl of Chop Suey!"

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

"I recommend you invest in oil. Prices are down now, but auto leaks are up."

Markets and Marketabilityby Jane Austen

Tonight's Topic. How To Make a Killing In The Stock Market. I made a killing in the market once, but the only casualty was my investment.

We live in turbulent times. Therefore I'm keeping you in turbulent stocks

Maybe it's time to stop giving our bones to a broker and start burying them in the backyard again.

'Today the Yuan rose against the pork belly, the chicken beak, the eel, the wanton, and the egg noodle.'

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

The New Square Mile Regulator.

Sale - All Junk Bonds 50% Off.

Large cap funds

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

'The action next week is going to be in bird seed, but if you quote me, I'll deny I said it.'

'Eddie, you've tried aggressive growth, multicaps, small caps, blue chips...now maybe it's time to try a support group for underperforming portfolios?'

"I recommend that you dump the tech stocks and go into acorns."

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

'Eddie, politicians everywhere are kicking cans down the road, so maybe it's time to get in on the boom in tin.'

'It's a glorious day over Wall Street today, with barely a 20 chance of the sky falling.'

I was more a financial magician myself. I could make money disappear very easily.

'Thank goodness we don't need profits in order to make piles of money.'

Without telling me, you invested my salary in The Infant Restaurant Critic. It's a funny story, actually … Weeks earlier, the cafe got a visit from a baby whose screaming and yelling can make or break the restaurant. If the baby eats the food, the eatery gets a good review online. If not, ouch. It's not Yelp, more like yell. Or whine. But like so many subjective concepts, this one can be corrupted. It turned out that the entrepreneurs behind The Infant Restaurant Critic were willing to compromis

'Sorry, I don't do financial advice.'

"Let's first talk about how you could have done worse."

'A penny saved is a penny not stimulating the economy.'