Ironist In The Countryside Pillows

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Lactose Intolerant

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

'It's great to get back to the simple life'

Armed forces waiting with nothing to do.

"At First Infidelity we're all about integrity...."

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

Scarecrows guarding a field

Man commiting suicide finds the treasure at the bottom of the sea.

Look at the size of that fork. She must be very hungry!

Sheep In Curlers

Thatched roof car.

''Science moves but slowly, slowly, creeping on from point to point'. Tennyson.'

'Of course I hired Andrew. He's the best divorce lawyer around! Unfortunately, he's also the rat I want to get divorced from...'

Migrating cows.

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

'You sure complain a lot for someone who says he loves nature.'

Profits - "On the positive side, our company has never been touched by any scandal connected with insider trading."

"Its my letter of resignation. I also turned it into a memoir."

'Center for the Study of Murphy's Law' (Closed today because everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.)

'I believe we got your blood pressure back up to normal.'

'Yes, we have a very diversified economy around here.'

'Our goal is for you to successfully transition to your new job before retirement age.'

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."