Ironically Fancy Wine Lover T-Shirts

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

Wine Lady

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

At the mobile tracking test lab.

'Seems it all started at a wine-tasting seminar m'lud, nobody brought a bucket.'

"I want a wine that's wise but unassuming, and not ashamed of a screw on cap."

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

'House red please.'

'How come your oldest vintage is on the top shelf?' 'I can't reach up there!'

"A cheeky little wine, would you agree?"

'Mmm...it's got a good nose on it.'

Swine List

'How did I fill all this in for only $75.00? Easy, I only collect corked wines.'

'Dagnabit, stranger! Is you sayin' I don't know the difference between a cabernet sauvignon, and a merlot?!!'

"This wine has hints of rebellion with a lingering finish of rugged individuality - did you buy this to defy me?"

"What wine would you recommend to go with male chauvinist pork?"

'You know, our collection of bottle bags is worth more than our collection of wines.'

"Teaching him to use a knife and fork was easy but he still can't tell a Merlot from a Chianti!"

"I trust you've fully experienced the bouquet?"

'Don't just gulp it down like that! Smell the bouquet, savour the flavour on your palate!'

Angelic Wine

'Don't bring me anything younger than my liver.'

'It was a '67 Chateau d'Yquem? I say leave it on.'

'If the pesticides, herbicides and fungicides keep us from selling this as wine, how about we go into the nightlight business?'

'Of course you feel unwell. You have too much blood in your alcohol stream!'

'The art is only so-so, but the California white wine is quite acceptable.'

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great wines for under $5.00 a bottle.'

"If it's all the same to you, I'll wait for a Merlot and she'll have Sauterne."

"Dinner is poured."

"Wine with dinner tonight, Tom - and it's locally sourced!"

"Remarkably Undrinkable."

"We wondered if you'd be kind enough to take a videoclip of us drinking the Chateau d'Yquem?"

"Oh merlot, you have betrayed me with your false promises to treasure and nourish my heart, when all along you were plotting to sent me to an early grave!"