Ironic Giver Mugs

"Good evening madam. Would you like to donate your soul to a newly registered charity?"

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Shouldn't have, you really."

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"Great news! Jim at work's promised to lend me all his World Cup DVDs"

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

I didn't realize our pitch had such a lovely view...

Bagel problems.

"I can't afford to feed you."

'That pretty much kills my appendicitis diagnosis.'

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

Fast Food Menus

Honey badger do care.

An Anarchist's Christmas

'He's not leaving, but if we collect enough, he might.'

"Don't you ever miss the hustle and bustle of the old tar pits?"

Tunnel of Dove.

Thanks And Giving.

"Don't be so mean...give him some money!"

"A birthday gift card? Really?"

'Gee, thanks pal."

"Done saving the world for today."

"Baby's First Book of Retirement Planning...?"

Heirlooms of Tomorrow

'And you get this free.'

"It was heaven before this."

"That rat trap you sold me is no good. My husband hasn't been near it!"

"We were out of embalming fluid so we stuffed your wife with wild rice."

"Earbuds are tiny headphones."

Crap Stuff Shop.

Jill and Ted fought to the point of complete exhaustion over the placement of, ironically, a wedding gift.

'Maybe he said store the wine horizontally...'

Baldo, I really got to know you on my recent visit. I want you to come see me someday. Here is $300. Save it for your plane fare. Don't even think about using the money to buy a car."

She collected ceramic pigs. Only one so far, but even that was one too many.