Ironic Gift Hunter Mugs

Grappa Pump

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

T-Rex Game of Choice - Ping Pong

"Shouldn't have, you really."

'The worst thing about it is I'm claustrophobic.'

Football heads...

Kid Hints To Santa That He Wants A Bicycle For Christmas

"I've been really craving Italian food for months now. Can you grab me two kilos of rigatoni, three kilos of fettuccini, and a bigger shell? The one I have is feeling a bit too tight lately."

Traffic calming ahead.

'My whole life, I've felt like I've been running from something...'

"I've never felt this close to anyone before!"

"Yeah, I'm out on bail: The judge laughed when he said I was not a flight risk..."

Survival kit

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

"I can't afford to feed you."

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

Fast Food Menus

"Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place."

Lost and Found - 'Nothing yet.' (Zebra has lots its stripes).

Tinder

Visit Santa today...sponsored by Acme Razor Company

Tunnel of Dove.

"Don't you ever miss the hustle and bustle of the old tar pits?"

'Forget 'forsaking all others', you can have the week off' (housewife to husband).

Dogs with alcohol collars.

Evil Pusskins #9

Daily Meditations for Perpetual Victims

"We still don't have a diagnosis for your rash, so we're going to run some more money on it and see what happens."

"But I actually wanted something specific...!"