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Overeaters Anonymous - Welcome New Members! What - no buffet?

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

"I assume you're on the paleo diet."

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

'Two more strawberry creams and that's my ' five a day' taken care of....'

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

A well-balanced meal to a kid is a candy bar in each hand.

"Hold on! A new study says those are actually bad for you."

Food-Snob Fear Factor

"Everything is fat-free. So why am I still fat?"

It occurred to Norman that he was using far, far too much salt.

"They're veggie hot dogs but don't worry—they're made in a really gross way."

'Everytime there's a thaw, I lose a lot of weight.'

'We'll have to be more aggressive with your diet. I'd like to try something I call 'The Carbivore''.

Mother Nature's Health Foods

'Bad news... all our tests came back with you as delicious.'

Toblerone - Toblertwo.

'Well, if you're enjoying your diet plan you must be doing it wrong.'

'You must be skinnier than this to eat at buffet bar.'

"This is the latest craze - eat anything you want, anytime you want. It's called the San Andreas Plan."

Fast food

Diet.

"Okay, I'll eat my vegetables. But, when they make me big and strong, you better watch out!"

"I have put on a few pounds, but it's mostly water weight."

"My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork."

'Bottles water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!...'

Fat Kid.

'Darling, we're vegetarians. We must stop meat eating like this.'

'I'll have double order of today's special.'

The biochemist at lunch: "I'll have another order of fries."