Ironic Commentary Followers T-Shirts

"Like me on tastebook or I'll blow my fruit out!"

Wifi in Hell

Beggar tosses money to the 1%.

"Can you hear me now?"

'You cant do anything these days without someone suspecting your motives. . . there is only one way out. . . inaction.'

Bank Cuts Jobs. . . Employees in Need!

Demonization: Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse.

"Social distancing has really changed things at the office. In some ways it's really improved relationships with colleagues. For instance..."

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

"I work all winter on my beach body, and everyone still stares at you!"

"I found another great book about living with less stuff."

"Any family history of stroke? Diabetes? Bankruptcy?"

"It's a new year, a NEW start!. . . We must put aside our sexist misogynistic past. . ."

'Oh, boy! You don't need a license OR a brain to buy one!'

China deploys troops to prepare for an American invasion of North Korea. Russia warns that if America attacks Syria again, Russia will respond with force. Y'know, last time we had a world war, we weren't the ones everyone was defending themselves against. Sometimes when you're playing tag, it's more fun to be "it." We should have out own political show.

'This is what we call a 'patient'...you MAY find some reference to one of them on page 435 of your manual.'

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

'False alarm! I'm back. It was only a career suicide.'

"Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you?" "Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees." "Well, I'd like to have How to Get Off an Island, by Archie Macguyver." "That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness." "We really should have our own book review show."

Ever Wonder Why 37& of Americans Prefer Socialism?

"I usually vote for whoever promises to cut the most tax."

'I always vote for the candidate I think will do the least damage.'

"He's checking the math for political correctness."

Stopping Coronavirus

'Let's face it, if there was any talent about, we wouldn't be watching this rubbish!'

"If the stock market fluctuates due to the emotions of mostly men, isn't there some kind of hormonal therapy available to level those out for them?"

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out James Carville?'

Snatching Failure from the Jaws of Success

'No.32...congratulations: your pay is frozen. No.38...well done: you're on short term working. No.14...'

'Alf did you see they have frozen the sum you can leave before tax?'

'You are accused of internet fraud. How do you wish to blog?'

CSI: Low Budget Version

'If you're going to San Fransisco, you can't wear a flower in your hair these days, sir.'

'It's the only place they're allowed to advertise any more.'

"Can someone explain to me how, being here, are supposed to maintain physical distance?"