Ironic Amusement Seeker T-Shirts

"I...hate...this....song."

The Zoo.

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Artisan hot dog stand has pigs tethered to it.

"This seat with extra legroom is great."

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

What do you think about this "too big to fail" stuff?

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

A Newton's cradle wrecking ball.

The Red Carpet

'My horoscope said I would be taking a long trip today.'

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

Eurydice in prison

Vampire shaving cut dilemma.

"The average citizen doesn't have a clue - or why would we keep getting re-elected?"

Looks like the Oggs are having a party.'

"They say it's the last of the really big cattle drives, and I'm just glad I'm here to see it."

'Oh, I hate when this happens! What do you do when you get a song stuck in your head?'

'A late payment and a friendly reminder cross paths in the mail.'

'We need to panic until common sense returns.'

"I always said I'd sleep when I'm dead, and yet here I am doing paperwork."

Lost and found - 'Can you desribe it?' (Queen being asked having lost her crown).

'It's so embarrassing. My mother had my tadpole tail bronzed!'

"Beware of dog"

"What have I told you two about not clowning around?"

'Now that's what I call an overactive thyroid.'

Local anaesthetic.

"Don't even start, Claire. You knew I was a snake when you took me in."

'I thought my people were happy, I know I was.