Investment Enthusiasts Pillows

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

'It's a venture capitalist.'

"The first thing we do is go and withdraw our 'rainy day' investment."

Man hugging bag of money, falling down a hole.

"While I'm here for my audit, could I interest you in some tax-free municipal bonds?"

'I chase women, but only to tell them about investment opportunities.'

'Here's a psychological phenomenon in which shareholders actually sympathize with management. It's called the Stockholder Syndrome.'

Goldilocks Investments: Too hot...too cold...just right.

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

'Right. Making money in the stock market isn't everything... that leaves bonds.'

'My parents are out bonding at an annuities seminar. Would you like to leave a message?'

"We're a hedge fund, Mr Marney, so I'm putting your allocation at 30% stocks, 30% bonds, and 40% bushes."

'What a splendid collection of nest-eggs you've appropriated Sir John.'

Milk Carton: Missing Your Nest Egg

'They're desperate for new investors.'

'The good news is that we're making huge profits - the bad news is that we won't be getting a bailout.'

'Ms. Booth, your portfolio is full of sound and fury signifying zero returns.'

'Here at Farley Investments, we stock to the basics...'

'Please don't be nervous Mr. Bloom. When the small investor is nervous, the federal reserve gets nervous, and congress goes into attack mode.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Profit

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"