Investment Entertainer T-Shirts

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

Bouncy Castle. Hey, you kids, get out of my house!

The Contrarian funds

Investments.

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

Stock Market Research and Analysis

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

"Do your thing, Phil...lull them into submission."

"I invested in Chinese stocks just because of my ironic sense of humor - if it goes wrong, I can't even afford a bowl of Chop Suey!"

"We have a new line of designer hedge funds...the Topiary Group."

Tonight's Topic. How To Make a Killing In The Stock Market. I made a killing in the market once, but the only casualty was my investment.

Pottery Slam

Roller Coasters

We live in turbulent times. Therefore I'm keeping you in turbulent stocks

Sale - All Junk Bonds 50% Off.

Maybe it's time to stop giving our bones to a broker and start burying them in the backyard again.

'See if you can get them to flambe the check, too.'

'I thought up the term 'too big to fail'. So where's my bonus?'

The New Square Mile Regulator.

Landing That Tough Account

Thanksgiving Turkey Fortune: "Why the silence?"

Large cap funds

'The action next week is going to be in bird seed, but if you quote me, I'll deny I said it.'

'Eddie, you've tried aggressive growth, multicaps, small caps, blue chips...now maybe it's time to try a support group for underperforming portfolios?'

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

'Eddie, politicians everywhere are kicking cans down the road, so maybe it's time to get in on the boom in tin.'

'It's a glorious day over Wall Street today, with barely a 20 chance of the sky falling.'

"It's a profit and loss statement. Read it with gusto!"

"I recommend that you dump the tech stocks and go into acorns."

"Let's first talk about how you could have done worse."

'A penny saved is a penny not stimulating the economy.'