Investigating Crime Pillows

'I want a change from sniffing for drugs. I want to get into rooting out white collar crime.'

The Anti-Agent

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

Anderson Cooper as a Kid. Today, an expose that asks the question: Who IS Simon, and why must we do what he says?

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

"True crime meets reality TV"

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

He's making a list --- Holmes solves cases quicker when he itemizes deductions.

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

'Then my brother said he'd like to bury the hatchet...'

Journalism student ponders which course he wants to major in.

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

"The DNA sample from the mink fibres found in the suspect's car matched the DNA sample from the mink coat found at the scene of the crime, so I'm thinking, maybe these minks were twins?"

'Yes, folks, the victim was a bolt. Now, I'm afraid, he's a deadbolt.'

Police outline artist training academy: the intro 101 class.

'By the looks of these skid marks, Humpty didn't fall- he was pushed!'

Bribery and Corruption.

CSI Wonderland. (Photographer takes a picture of a cracked Humpty Dumpty. Investigators collect evidence from the scene.)

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."