Introduction To Royalty Gifts

A mother wanting to introduce her daughters to a member of a foreign royal family

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

"Well how about that. . . Lady Godiva bought a Harley!"

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

'You can just forget about the cake.'

'Don't look at me like that! You're the one who wanted to live in a bouncy castle!'

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"You don't think it's too ungapatchka?"

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

"I need a little more drama like a ten part mini-series."

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

'How about a game of cards?'

King George I

"She wishes to range free!"

'Did you bark, M'Lady?'

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

'The Burrito King.'

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

'You've made a powerful enemy'

Czarcasm

TV jester.

"He's a guard dog."

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

'Well, nobody can say you haven't grown in office.'

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

'I can't finish -- may I have a peasant-bag?'

'Gunboat diplomacy won't work, sire -- we're landlocked, remember?'

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."